I Think He Needs More Therapy

Metta World Peace is a strange motherfucker. Just sayin...

Who Wants Smoothies?

Got this for Christmas! So happy!

Another Reason Hockey Is Better

I really like how the NHL does not schedule games over Christmas so players can be where they should be: with their families. The greedy NBA on the other hand, forces players and arena employees away from their families on Christmas. Fuck you David Stern. No game or TV revenue is that important.

Have A Wonderful Holiday, Everyone!

Christmas Eve Blessings To You All

Enjoy the music of Trans-Siberian Orchestra...

Happy Christmas Eve!

The Gorgeous Krissy Dawson

Gets Me Every Time

I have a confession. I have been in a very bah humbug mood this year. For whatever reason, I just cannot get into the spirit of the holidays. I've baked cookies, listened to Mannheim Steamroller, wrapped presents for my nieces and nephews and I still feel like I want to stay in bed until December 26. However, despite my lack of enthusiasm this holiday season, there is one song which tugs at my heart strings every time I hear it. I can't help but tear up during each listen. The song is "Old City Bar" by Trans-Siberian Orchestra. For those of you unfamiliar with the song, the message is about helping a neighbor or even a stranger purely out of kindness and compassion. The story told throughout the song truly brings to life what Christmas is supposed to be about and there is no religious aspects whatsoever. So I ask you all (Christian or not) to take a few minutes and watch the video below. Thank you. :-)

Perfect for a snowy day!

Happy Birthday To ME! And also...

Happy birthday to John Malkovich, Kurt Angle, Judi Dench, McKayla Maroney, Donny Osmond, John Milton, Kirk Douglas, Simon Helberg, Redd Foxx, Dick Butkus, Michael Dorn, Deacon Jones, Steve Taylor and Jakob Dylan.

That is an impressive list to share a birthday with, don't ya think? :-)

The lovely Lisa Canon

I love BBW!

My 12 Days of Christmas...

12 Steelers tickers
11 coffee flavors
10 Yankee Candles
9 Cooking pots
8 new tattoos
7 zombie movies
6 fifths of Jager
5 naughty flings
4 Cthulhu statues
3 Korn shirts
2 Pirates caps
...and an autograph of Crosby


Twitter: @jtlovecraft
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Sorry if I Don't Get All Teared Up...

The death of Paul Walker means one less awful actor in the world. End of story.

Things For Which I Am Thankful

I'm back home after a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner. Now I would like to share a few things for which I am very thankful.

1. My family and friends... your love and support means so much and it never, ever wavers
2. Alastair, Loki, Gabriel and Phoenix and the unconditional love and all the smiles you bring to me.
3. I'm thankful for rock n' roll... that music has helped keep me (reasonably) sane and provides me peace of mind and solitude when nothing else does
4. Coffee... this sweet elixir of hot goodness helps me to function every day.
5. I am thankful for being employed. My job may not be ideal for how my brain wants to operate, but I have steady income, health insurance and a 401K.
6. Knowing how to cook has also been a blessing. For as much of my adult life as I have lived alone, it has been nice not having to survive on Ramen and Stouffer's. That is something for which to be thankful.
7. I am also very thankful my mind is strong enough to not be a blinder wearing Obommunist. I am very proud of that.
8. I'm thankful for my creativity. Even though it comes and goes with much more frequency these days, when it is active, it is a blessing.
9. Baseball was my first love and will always be my favorite sport. I am thankful to have developed such a love for a truly classic game.

Happy Thanksgiving

One of those random thought posts

Sorry I've been away. Netflix added the first four seasons of Dexter and all seasons of CSI: NY. I've been distracted.

George Zimmerman is a fool. Does anything more need to be said?

Why now, after decades or the same nickname, is Redskins such a big deal? There are far more important things for this country to be upset about that an NFL team's nickname.

I say we give Ted Nugent a few gallons of water, a plate of burgers and some Ex-lax and lock him in a room with Martin Bashir.

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford is hilarious. He just might be the best news story of 2013. One day last week, I spent my entire 20-minute commute laughing because of him.

I'm not one to call for boycotts, but if you have ties to Pittsburgh stop eating at McDonald's. They no longer serve Heinz ketchup.

My iPod now has 2300 songs. Song number 2300 was "Going to Hell" by The Pretty Reckless.

I did not give in to peer pressure or jump on the bandwagon. I am note posting something I am thankful for every day on Facebook.

My thoughts are with all those affected by the storms in the midwest.


I will be posting more often here on out. I have a list of music related topics to work on for your reading pleasure. Until the next time, if you cannot be a poet, be the poem.


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Twitter: @jtlovecraft

Happy Halloween!

I wore this to work today for our Halloween party.

Underrated Horror Movies: Exorcist III

I have long believed Exorcist III to be one of the most underrated horror films of all time. It's part horror and part who-done-it and has fine acting performances from George C. Scott and the always fantastic Brad Dourif.

George C. Scott is Lt. Kindermann, a Georgetown detective on the case of a serial killer targeting religious leaders. (Scott takes over the role of Kindermann from Lee Cobb.) The extreme nature of the murders isn't the worst part, however. The murders strongly resemble those of the Gemini Killer. The problem is, Gemini Killer died fifteen years prior to these murders.

Kindermann's investigation leads him to a mental hospital where he finds "Patient X", portrayed by Jason Miller. (Miller played Father Damian Karras in the original Exorcist.) Kindermann is astonished at the patient's resemblance to his friend Father Karras, who was presumed dead after Reagan McNeil's exorcism. And it is here we discover something truly sinister is going on as Patient X is now possessed by the same demons vanquished from Reagan. As fans of the first film will remember, these demons are quite the motherfucker to get rid of.

Brad Dourif plays the possessed version of Patient X and once again completely nails it. Imagine Chucky on PCP and this is what Dourif's performance was like. It's beyond chilling and one of the creepiest performances I have ever seen in a horror film. Dourif makes his demonic possession look real and so intense you can feel the hatred these demons have for God. It will bring chills up your spine.

Now, we all know a mental patient isn't leaving the hospital to commit murders. So obviously the demons are jumping into other bodies to carry out the murders and returning to their host in the mental ward who may or may not be Father Karras. This makes catching a killer a bit difficult, wouldn't you think? But Kindermann persists and with the assistance of Father Dyer (another returning character from the original) they chip away at the demon's hold on Patient X. Father Dyer is played here by Ed Flanders who takes over the role from William O'Malley. Flanders is brilliant, especially in the scenes he shares with Scott.

Also providing fantastic performances in smaller roles are Nicol Williamson and Nancy Fish.

Exorcist III is a suspenseful and creepy movie. It has just enough gore to give viewers an idea of how malevolent the demons are. The acting is fantastic. It is truly a sin how underrated this movie is and how few people have actually seen it. Do yourself a favor and check your local used DVD store for this film. You won't be disappointed. After all, Jeffrey Dahmer claimed this film as his all-time favorite. If that doesn't make you want to see it...

Pay close attention for cameos from Larry King, Fabio and Samuel L. Jackson.

Exorcist III was written and directed by Willam Peter Blatty.


Thanks for reading, it is much appreciated. I hope your Halloween season has been fun. And as always, if you cannot be a poet, be the poem.


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Halloween is only a week away!

Let's Send This Guy To Crystal Lake

What happens when you put a sarcastic game warden, grumpy police chief, prissy paleontologist, flamboyant mythology professor and a potty mouthed widow in the same movie? Well you get total hilarity and shenanigans. That's exactly what Lake Placid delivers. The film isn't set at Lake Placid. It is fictional Lake Black in Maine. The Lake Placid title comes from how unusually serene this particular lake seems to be. You know, like a quiet summer night.

Lake Placid is low budget horror-comedy at its finest, if you can ignore the absurdity of a 30-foot crocodile being in a Maine lake. So here is what gets us started. A scuba diver is chomped in half by an unseen underwater creature and a very strange tooth is found in his remains. The coroner's office calls a museum in New York. I guess Boston was a little too close. They send Bridget Fonda (and her wilderness hating, snooty NYC ass) to examine the tooth. There she meets the sheriff (Brenden Gleeson) and game warden Bill Pullman. Neither one has any patience for her New Yorkness and they won't stop calling her ma'am. Even as they trade barbs and jabs, you can tell she and Pullman want each other. I guess it is only in movies opposites attract.

Oliver Platt shows up in a bit and things get weird. He's a mythology professor who believes crocodiles to be deities and descendants of dragons. He also believes they respect him and therefore will not eat him. Oh, he's a good trapper. That's not really relevant with a 30-foot croc, but it is worth mentioning. I did say hilarity and shenanigans, remember? Platt, as he does in many of his films, provides one of the film's most entertaining characters. He's out done only by someone old enough to be his grandmother. We'll get to that in a bit. But how could Platt turn down sex with a gorgeous deputy to swim with a 30-foot crocodile?

For those of you who think a 30-foot crocodile is impossible, it's not that far fetched. The largest crocodile ever caught was 27 feet long. This occurred off the coast of Australia. (Of course it did. Something that cool couldn't happen anywhere else.) In the film, the croc is identified as an Asian crocodile. It is likely a reference to a saltwater crocodile, the world's most aggressive crocodile. This crocodile type has also been known to travel long distances and move into lakes and rivers with proximity to the ocean. A 30-foot crocodile could also very likely weigh 4500 pounds and devour most of a lake's residents with ease. However, a 30-foot remote controlled croc was used for the movie.

The scene stealer of Lake Placid is Betty White. She plays a foul mouthed old lady who lives next to the lake. Hearing words such as "fuck meat" leave the mouth of Betty White is absolutely priceless. She says that (along with some other jaw dropping vulgarities) with such conviction and intent it sounds like she says it every day. She also has a fetish for large reptiles. No, that's not sexual innuendo.

Brenden Gleeson is like a white Charles S. Dutton in this movie. You'll just have to trust me on this one. I think I have it nailed. He and Platt have a great comedic chemistry in this film. Their scenes are very much like two brothers arguing. As much as I hate to call anything a weak link in this movie, I can't let this go. Bill Pullman is kind of there most of the time. Come to think of it, that's true of most of his movies.

Lake Placid is fun from start to finish. It is mostly comedy (written by Ally McBeal creator David E. Kelly) but his its share of jumps and jolts. If nothing more, watch it to enjoy the wonderful performances of Oliver Platt and Betty White. Avoid the sequels. None of the original casts returns for them and they all totally suck anyway. But for a fun 90 or so minutes of horror-com, pop Lake Placid into the DVD player and enjoy the fun.


Thank you all once again for reading. I appreciate it. And as always, if you cannot be the poet, be the poem.


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One Hell Of A Good Curse

In Curse of Chucky everyone's favorite evil doll gets back to what he does best: being a dick and killing people. It steers away from the camp and comedy which dominated the two previous films, Bride of Chucky and Seed of Chucky. In Curse, Chucky once again gets nasty.

Sarah and her wheel-chair bound daughter Nica live in an old country home. Sarah spends her days painting and heavily medicated (The reason for the latter is explained later.) while Nica dreams of leaving. One afternoon a mysterious package shows up for Sarah containing Chucky. There is no return address or accompanying letter. And almost on cue, Chucky begins saying his famous, child-friendly quips. Of course, neither woman is impressed and Chucky is thrown in the garbage. Later that night, Sarah commits suicide. Allegedly.

The following day, Nica's remaining family descends upon her -- sister Barbie, brother-in-law Ian and niece Alice. Also among the group are Alice's nanny, Jill and Nica's former priest, Father Frank. After a dinner of lovingly prepared vegetarian chili, bad things start to happen. And I am not talking about heartburn.

One of the coolest things about Curse of Chucky is Brad Dourif's real life daughter, Fiona, plays Nica. (Fans of the series know Brad as the voice of Chucky.) She's charming as a young woman who is innocent and sheltered but also tough and determined. Her war of words with Chucky near the end of the film is fantastic. As you undoubtedly noticed, I said that was one of the coolest things. The other very cool thing about this movie is Brad Dourif appears as Charles Lee Ray for the first time since the original film, Child's Play. Since Charles Lee Ray was killed in Child's Play, his appearance in this film should have your "twist senses" on overload.

Nica's house guests are annoying and sometimes just downright fucktarded. Barbie is a bitch who lacks subtlety and is horrible at hiding things. Ian is an unmotivated doofus. Alice is far to whiny for a girl her age and Jill is just fucking stupid. The only tolerable one among them is Father Frank and sadly he gets the least amount of screen time. (That's the only blatant plot hint I am giving you.) The guests try to settle in but as it goes with these movies, people start dropping one by one. There is distrust and paranoia. And well, you know how all that goes in these movies.

Although Ian's character is a doofus, he does give the best line of the film: "It's just a doll. What's the worst that could happen?" As always, Chucky delivers his sarcastic comments and straight-up asshole one-liners we have all grown to love.

Fans of the series who tolerated the previous two films as I did will love this one. (Although Jennifer Tilly was wonderful in Bride and Seed.) Oh FYI, that's another hint. Not a plot hint, but you know damn well there will be another sequel. Curse is one hell of a fun movie and horror fans and fans of Chucky all need to get the popcorn ready, grab a beverage, turn the lights off and enjoy this movie! If the characters weren't so annoying it would have been an "A" for sure. However, points get deducted when I actually want to see people die. So Curse of Chucky gets a solid "B".

Oh let me give a big P.S. -- watch through the end credit. Just sayin...


There will be many more horror related entries to come as Halloween draws near. Thanks for reading this one. If you cannot be a poet, be the poem.



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Take a Trip to Salem

The Lords of Salem is a film by Rob Zombie. If you are still reading after that sentence, congratulations. You are a strange and twisted person like me. Thank you for that.

I seem to be in the minority when it comes to this film. Most people seem to have hated Lords and I can't seem to figure out why. Maybe it's because it's not as demented as House of 1000 Corpses or doesn't contain the disturbing violence of The Devil's Rejects. Or maybe it's because Rob Zombie actually tries to tell a good story here. But of course it could also be people just have no taste in horror movies these days. The latter statement is where I lean considering the popularity of crap like the Paranormal Activity franchise.

The Lords of Salem focuses primarily on Heidi, (Heidi is played by Sherri Moon Zombie, who does have a couple scenes without clothes. That never gets old for me.) who is 1/3 of the late-night radio show Big H. One night she is delivered a mysterious package containing a vinyl record. The music has a damaging affect on Heidi but it becomes a huge hit with the listeners. Heidi begins a descent into nightmares and visions which have her co-hosts beyond concerned. But the show must go on. After the music is well received, the trio receives another package containing posters and tickets to a one-night only "performance" by the Lords.

The Salem referenced in the title is of course Salem, Massachusetts. Now, Salem is a town with a dark past. You know, all that witch trial stuff. (On a side note, the witch trials were more likely a bunch of cheating husbands covering their tracks rather than actual witches.) The "Lords of Salem" were among those burned at the stake during those trials and Heidi appears to be the link between the Lords and vengeance. Along the way, a collection of unique characters offer varying forms of assistance to Heidi: her overly attentive landlord, a co-host who is in love with her and a Salem scholar. As it turns out, Heidi's dog senses the truth right from the start but no one ever listens to the dog.

The Lords of Salem benefits from Zombie's unique approach to directing. As expected, the film is dark. But Rob is also able to bring a malevolent tone without scene after scene of gratuitous violence. This film also comes with the trademark trippy cut-scenes for which Rob is known. The music also plays a huge role in adding to the dreary tone. And as I mentioned earlier, Rob actually tries to tell a good story with this film, something which was less a concern in his earlier films.

The Lords of Salem is not Zombie's best effort, House of 1000 Corpses is still his overall best film. But Lords is compelling and worth a look. It's not "scary" but it is creepy. The cast includes Zombie favorites Ken Foree and Sid Haig as well as Hollywood long-timers Dee Wallace, Meg Foster and Bruce Davison.

Thank you all for reading the blog. As always, if you cannot be a poet, be the poem.



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Is "Dumb Bitch" Too Nice?

I'm at a loss for words. Maybe you all have some for her!

My NHL Keeper League Draft Results

I took over the last place team in an NHL Keeper League. My keeper picks were Henrik Sedin, Jimmy Howard and Max Pacioretty. Here are my draft picks (in order) in a snake-format draft. I had the first overall pick.

Phil Kessel
Sergei Bobrovsky
Keith Yandle
Shea Weber
Pascal Dupuis
Brad Richards
Dion Phaneuf
Andrew Ladd
Ondrej Pavelec
Brad Marchand
Johan Franzen
Patrick Elias
Brent Seabrook
Alex Goligoski
Beau Bennett

Party on Dude!

This entry will be much like Andrew W.K.'s music, kind of all over the place. Just a heads-up.

Andrew W.K.'s I Get Wet is one of my all-time guilty pleasures. His music is goofy and his lyrics dumb, but he is really fun to listen to. It's kind of like slap-stick comedy meets a frat party and evolves into a b-action movie. I mean seriously, he hit himself in the face with a brick for the album cover and sings songs like "Party Till You Puke", "Take It Off" and "Ready to Die" (one of my favorite tracks). He plays piano and keyboards with pseudo-hard rock band backing him up. I Get Wet rocked its way to number one on Billboard's Heatseekers chart and earned him a spot on the Ozzfest second stage (I got to see AWK play live that summer). He has a charismatic and goofy stage presence which definitely comes out in his music.



"Party Till You Puke" isn't the greatest track on the album, but the title says it all. It's obnoxious, but for cranking up the volume when you are driving or home alone, it's perfect.

I mentioned before "Ready to Die" is one of my favorite tracks. This is one to really jam-out to and is a must have for any long road trip playlist. The same is true for "I Love NYC". Even if you aren't going to NYC, after 9/11, this song should have a place on the iPod of all patriotic Americans.

AWK did get his share of big time mainstream exposure. His song "Party Hard" was featured on Madden 2003 and Girls Gone Wild The Music Vol. 1. The soundtrack for Freaky Friday included "She is Beautiful". His songs have also appeared in commercials for Target, Coors and Game Cube.

Now granted, AWK isn't something I can listen to all the time, which I guess is why I classify him as a guilty pleasure. But when I want to turn up the volume and act like an idiot, I Get Wet is one of the albums I turn to for inspiration.


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If you cannot be a poet, be the poem.

9/11... Never Forget

Are You Ready For Tonight?

2013 NFL Preview

Alright football fans, here is my 2013 preview for the upcoming season! Grab those penalty flags because I am sure some of you will be throwing them as you read this.


AFC EAST

New England -- clearly the best team in the division but there is not really any competition for them. The Dolphins may one day reclaim this division but not as long as a man named Brady is still playing.
Miami -- they get this spot by default. The Jets stink and the Bills have a rookie QB.
Buffalo -- Because they are only slightly better than the Jets.
New York -- The Jets are likely the train wreck of the year, although Oakland could also compete for that title as well. At least we'll have Rex Ryan's press conferences.

AFC NORTH

Cincinnati -- Yes, Who Dey! It's the Bengals year to win the division even if it may only take a 10-6 record to do it.
Baltimore -- They won the Super Bowl then lost a lot of veterans to retirement and free agency. They still have the offense to win some games, though.
Pittsburgh -- Another non-playoff year for Pittsburgh with questions at RB and aging safeties.
Cleveland -- If they had a legitimate option at QB, they'd bump Pittsburgh to last in the division.

AFC SOUTH

Houston -- It'll be a close race with the Colts, but the Texans veteran leadership gives them the edge, especially with Ed Reed in that defense.
Indianapolis -- Andrew Luck had a fantastic rookie year, taking Indy to the playoffs. He'll have a chance to do it again, especially if Bradshaw stays healthy.
Tennessee -- The Titans are on their way back to being competitive. They are my sleeper team in the AFC and could surprise some teams who take them lightly.
Jacksonville -- Blaine Gabbert and Chad Henne... any questions?

AFC WEST

Denver -- The talent level isn't even close here. Peyton still got it. The Chiefs made steps, but they aren't there yet.
Kansas City -- The Chiefs may be the most improved team in the NFL. Alex Smith is a competent QB and if Jamaal Charles is healthy, they should challenge for a wild card spot.
San Diego -- The Chargers only get placed higher than the Raiders because they have a veteran quarterback.
Oakland -- This team could also be a train wreck with the Terrelle Pryor era seemingly ready to begin. Will he be Michael Vick or Akili Smith?


NFC EAST

New York -- The Giants will barely win this division. It may come down to week 17 against Washington.
Washington -- RG3 is a fun player to watch and he'll be back in playoffs again this year.
Dallas -- The Cowboys have lots of talent, but unfortunately, other teams have more. And then there's Romo who just can't get over that hump. Despite all that, they are my NFC sleeper team and could switch spaces with either of the teams above.
Philadelphia -- It's a transition year for them with a rookie NFL coach. If Vick can still play a fast game, maybe they surprise some people.

NFC NORTH

Green Bay -- Like New England, they are clearly the best team. This division won't even be close.
Detroit -- The Lions will rebound and be a contender for a wild card playoff spot. A wild card game is not out of the question if the pieces fall right.
Chicago -- Sometime teams just have one of those years. It'll be the Bears in 2013.
Minnesota -- You gotta love AP. But the question is, how long until we see Matt Cassell?

NFC SOUTH

New Orleans -- Atlanta will give them a run for the division. But Dew Brees and the weapons he has gets it done again.
Atlanta -- Matty Ice is paid among the best, now it is time for him to step up and get things done in the playoffs.
Carolina -- Cam Newton is a beast. And the Panthers are building a team which will compete sooner rather than later.
Tampa Bay -- I like the Buccaneers. However, they just don't have what's needed to compete with the rest of the division.

NFC WEST

Seattle -- Russell Wilson will only get better and that defense is still frightening. It'll be close but they edge San Fran.
San Francisco -- Colin Kaepernick is explosive. Vernon Davis is a beast. They will be right in it, fighting all the way with Seattle.
St. Louis -- This is the year Sam Bradford finally starts to show what he can do. The Rams are adding weapons for him. Give them a year or two.
Arizona -- The last dance for Carson Palmer. He'll be able to get Larry Fitzgerald the ball. But what else will they be able to do. Oh, they do have a good defense. Just not good enough to keep the Cards from a dismal season.


Thanks for reading. Have fun cheering for your favorite team this season. And remember, if you cannot be a poet, be the poem.


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RIP 20 years of losing

Inside the Craft, Part One

A few months ago, when I decided to change the direction of this blog and also put more emphasis on it as a whole, I stated I would occasionally present to you entries about my life. This is the first of such entries.


I'm sure I'm not alone in going to a job five days a week that isn't anything close to what I'd prefer to be doing. I have no doubt many of you out there do the same thing. I have a job that provides consistent hours, health insurance and a 401K. Many people right now would trade body part or prized possessions to have such a job. I understand that and I'm not ungrateful for the job I do have. The thing is, I hate it. It's repetitive and boring and so not me. Yes, it's better than sweating in a 100+ degree kitchen all day. I'm sitting in an office all day instead. Now, I'm not completely against ever working in a restaurant again. But if I do, it'll be because I own the place. I'm not going to be the kitchen bitch ever again.

What would I do instead of working in an office, you ask? Well I don't think the porn career is ever going to happen, so I can cross that off the list. I can't make a living writing this blog. However, if any of you know someone who would pay me to write this shit, please let me know. I need a job where I can use my creativity, even if it just in short bursts throughout the day. I don't have that right now and it's killing me. Not killing me physically, but it's killing me mentally and emotionally and that might be worse. If I could go to a new job this week, it would be to work for Revolver. (For those of you unfamiliar with Revolver, it's a hard rock/heavy metal magazine.) That's a job I would love. I'd be channeling my creativity and dealing with content in which I was truly interested. I'm not interested in the least amount with what I do five days a week right now. Again, I'm sure many of you out there feel the same way about your jobs. I know we all have bills to pay and food to buy so we do what we must. It would be better though if I didn't thoroughly hate it.

Me not liking my job has nothing to do with the company. The company is great and my co-workers are great. The employees do a lot of charity work, most notably with Relay for Life. They hold fund raisers for employees who have a death in the family or are victim of a natural disaster. The company offers incentives to employees who wish to quit smoking or lose weight as well as encouraging blood donation. So I can say nothing negative about the company. It's just not a place for someone with a raging imagination. So hopefully you all can see my dilemma. I appreciate the perks and benefits which come with this job. But there is this part of me that needs more. There is this voice inside me screaming to be unleashed upon the world. I have this creative spirit suffering each day it's oppressed and silenced as I sit at a desk processing sample product orders for a promotional products company. But it's what pays the bills and it's the life I live. At least I can wear my iPod while I'm working. It's probably the only thing keeping me sane.

This was part one of a look inside the Craft. I'm not sure how often I'll post entries like this, but they will get more personal moving forward. Thank you all for reading and as you should know by now, if you cannot be the poet, be the poem.


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An Ugly Entry

I love Ugly Kid Joe. I've loved them since their 1991 debut song, the funny and rude breakup song, "Everything About You". Although they both peaked and faded quickly, UKJ if a fun band to listen to and should be represented on any metal fan's iPod.

Ugly Kid Joe is a band that doesn't always take itself seriously. Their name is a parody of glam band Pretty Boy Floyd and they instill humor frequently into their music (as well as tongue firmly in cheek). The humor is perfectly clear with the titles of their first three albums, all digs at hip-hop: As Ugly As They Wanna Be, America's Least Wanted and my personal favorite of their album titles, Menace to Sobriety. Their fourth and fifth albums continued the parody titles, but this time towards rock music with Motel California and Stairway to Hell.

UKJ's mega hit "Everything About You", is as I mentioned above, funny and rude. Vocalist Whitfield Crane belts his way through a tirade of all the things he hates including his ex-girlfriend. During a rant in the middle of the song, Crane confesses to sleeping with his ex's sister ("I put her on the bed and she didn't say 'maybe'"), who ironically was mentioned as one of the things he hates because he thinks "sex is overrated too". I did say it was rude, didn't I? The video features blow-up sex dolls as characters. SO yes, they are funny in a juvenile way.

The band also did a few cover songs, most notably Harry Chapin's "Cat's in the Cradle". Their version of "Cradle" made the song darker, but failed to bring the emotion of Chapin's tear-jerking original. The band also covered two Black Sabbath songs, "Sweet Leaf" and "N.I.B.". Neither is really worth discussing.

Vocalist Whitfield Crane is what I like to call a jam-metal singer. He's like a badly concocted blend of Axl Rose and Tom Keifer. You all can decide for yourself if that is an insult or not. He is great for a band which doesn't always take itself seriously and is just out there to have fun. He also kind of reminds me of former WWE wrestler Edge, circa the pretty boy days with Christian.

Did I say fun? Yes I did. So check out the songs "Whiplash Liquor" and "Neighbor".

If you want some demented fun, also check out "Madman", a song about a serial killer running loose in Disneyland. Can you have any more fun than that?



Remember when I mentioned the tongue planted firmly in cheek? Turn up the volume and play "Goddamn Devil" which features special guest Rob Halford. Then do the same thing with "God". Although the latter doesn't have Rob Halford.

The PMRC and some crybaby record chains forced a "clean" album cover for the band's America's Least Wanted album. The original cover featured the Statue of Liberty flipping the middle finger and holding a porn magazine. An alternate cover featuring the band's mascot in chains was also used.

Here's a piece of Ugly Kid Joe: their debut E.P, As Ugly As They Wanna Be went platinum and became the highest selling debut E.P. of all time.

Another piece of trivia: former UKJ drummer Shannon Larkin became the drummer for Godsmack.

I'm sure those of you who grew up with metal, have heard Ugly Kid Joe and have their music on your iPod. If you don't have any of UKJ's music, what the hell is wrong with you? Most of their CD's can be found in any bargain bin of your local used CD/DVD store so go out there and pick up their music. If you have to steal your wannabe rocker cousin's Nickelback CD's to trade in towards the UKJ discs, do it. You'll be doing your cousin a favor.

Thank you all again for playing along and taking time to read my blog. Have a great weekend and to my American readers, have a great holiday weekend and please do not drink and drive. Catch you next time and if you cannot be a poet, be the poem.


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Love this song

All Things Considered...

With the changes in my life over the past year and the changes to be coming in the next few months or so, I am not looking for a serious, committed relationship right now. What I want is a friend with benefits. That's not complicated. It's great for those involved. I'm not making this post into a personal ad or anything, it's just something I needed to get out there because not many people really know that is for what I am looking. Now it's here and people that know me can find it if they look hard enough.

Musical Guilty Pleasures: Cowboy Troy

First off, let me say I don't like using the term "guilty pleasure" for Cowboy Troy. I genuinely like his music. What I am hoping is to convince those of you who have not heard his music to give it a chance and maybe add some of his tunes to your iPod. So read on as I tell you a little bit about the creator of hick-hop, Muzik Mafia member and the master of Tae Kwon Flo and Tongue-Fu.

Let me start with "I Play Chicken with the Train". This song has jamming country-rock music led by hip-hop style vocals. Wild and crazy country duo Big & Rich, who have played big roles in Troy's career, join in on the fun with this song and it is one to play loudly. By far, the line "I'm big and I'm black, clickity-clack, and I'll make the train jump the track" is the highlight of the song. CBT's song "Hick Chick" is a rowdy and fun song expressing a love of the America's good ol' girls. The album version of "Hick Chick" featured 2007 Nashville Star winner Angela Hacker. An even bigger guest joins Troy on the track "Buffalo Stampede" and it is an unexpected one, to say the least. M. Shadows, vocalist for heavy metal band Avenged Sevenfold, provides accompanying vocals to Troy's hip-hop lyrics.




Cowboy Troy isn't all fun and partying though. He tackles some serious issues as well. The track "Man with the Microphone" addresses everything from world hunger to child abuse to the perpetual violence in the Middle East. These are all issues so many ignore day in and day out. Troy is not a multi-platinum artist, but if he can bring the attention of even a handful of people to these issues, it's a victory. Big & Rich join CBT on the track "Wrap Around the World" which simply asks us all to put our differences aside and be nice to each other. Troy even busts out his Mandarin Chinese for "Wrap Around the World" which is beyond impressive. And then there is the tear-jerking duet with Sarah Buxton, "If You Don't Want to Love Me". I can't really relate to falling out of love or not feeling loved, but I know there are many out there who can.

Cowboy Troy also uses his personal experiences in some of his songs. "How Can You Hate Me?" highlights those songs. First off it is an in-your-face assault on those who wanted Troy to fail from day one. It also brings to light the racism that still exists in America as Troy raps about the death threats he received from the less tolerant and enlightened folks in America. But none of this ever deterred Troy. Instead it motivated him. As he says in this song, "Wanna put out the fire? Better bring more water!"

Troy discusses the trials and tribulations he faced and overcame during his time in the music industry on "Paranoid Like Me ('Tis the Season of Discontent)". Basically he lets us know the music industry is shady and while people are smiling and shaking your hand, they are holding a knife behind their back with the other hand. So basically you have to have the Stone Cold Steve Austin attitude: don't trust anyone.

Cowboy Troy also co-hosted the fifth season of Nashville Star, performed on the finale of the 14th season of Dancing with the Stars and performed at the 2008 Republican National Convention.

Cowboy Troy's music is both fun and serious and a great yawl-ternative to everything else. He brought together two styles of music which destined to stay apart forever. I ask you all to check out some of his songs with an open mind. You may just find yourself adding him to your iPod and tapping your feet along with the beat.


Thanks once again my loyal readers for giving me a few minutes of your time. I truly appreciate it. As always, if you cannot be a poet, be the poem.


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My Fantasy Football Draft

Here is my draft results for the first year fantasy football keeper league I joined on Yahoo. I had the second overall pick in a snake style (alternating order) draft. The league I am in includes both offensive and defensive players. Yahoo ranked me as choosing the best sleepers (Hilton, Ballard and Leshoure). Let me know what you think.

1. Adrian Peterson
2. Russell Wilson
3. Andre Johnson
4. Marques Colston
5. Tony Gonzalez
6. J.J. Watt
7. Seattle Defense
8. DeAngelo Williams
9. Josh Freenman
10. Lamarr Woodley
11. T.Y. Hilton
12. Vick Ballard
13. Aldon Smith
14. Shayne Graham
15. Troy Polamalu
16. Mikel Leshoure
17. Malcolm Floyd
18. Richard Sherman
19. Brian Hartline
20. Anthony Spencer

Play this loudly!

Riding the Runaway Train: Appreciation of Soul Asylum

I like Soul Asylum. Like many 90s bands, they had a moment to shine and quickly faded away with only hardcore fans following. But Soul Asylum deserved better.

David Pirner, vocalist and primary lyricist, is very underrated especially when it comes to song writing. I know this may see blasphemous to many fans of 90s rock, but Pirner rivals Kurt Cobain in song writing talent. There is strong emotion in Soul Asylum's songs. Pirner brings angst, sorrow, pain and even the occasional glimmer of hope in his lyrics. Let's not even focus on the band's mega-hit, "Runaway Train". How about we take a look at some of the less popular songs.

Consider "Black Gold" for a moment. Pirner approached the issue of racism with a poetic quality that wasn't in your face or abrasive. That in itself made the song stand out even more. The band's "Just Like Anyone" might be one of their lyrical best. The metaphor of using an outhouse as you fantasize about being just like everyone else is genius. And when you consider the contrasting lyrics Pirner added about people who are just like everyone else, trying to be not like everyone else, this definitely comes out as one of Soul Asylum's best. (Claire Danes was in the video, which didn't hurt things either.) "I Will Still Be Laughing" to me is kind of a middle finger song. I'm not going to tell you how you should interpret the lyrics, but I see it as a song that says, "despite the bullshit and the struggles and people trying to put you down, just keep fucking laughing". I know that approach may be hard to do sometimes, but it's worth a shot, right?

Soul Asylum had a big time celebrity fan in film director Kevin Smith. The band provided music for Smith's films Clerks, Clerks II and Chasing Amy. Pirner wrote the score for Chasing Amy.

Soul Asylum also did something noble with the video for "Runaway Train". They placed pictures of missing children in the video with a hotline to call if you believed you had seen any of them. They also shot separate versions for the UK and Australia. In several cases, children and parents were reunited. In others, there was not a happy ending, but closure was brought to the families.

David Pirner himself looks like a cross between Kurt Cobain and Axl Rose. His vocals were also typical of that time period. I'm not mentioning this to slam him or take away from how under-appreciated Soul Asylum was an on overall basis. Sure, Grave Dancer's Union went triple platinum, but why the drop off in sales afterwards? They were just as good on each album following. The loyal fans know just how good they were though. That's all that really matters.

Thanks to you all for reading. I have a list of music related entries I want to write so expect more of that in the weeks to come. Until the next time, if you cannot be a poet, be the poem.


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Fuck Me, It's Friday!

Let's get this weekend started with one of my soon-to-be-famous, multi-subject rants, shall we?

Rand Paul seems to be a generally good guy. And although he is a Libertarian-leaning Republican, I wish he had a bit more of his father in him. If Rand would take a bolder stance on the marijuana legalization issue instead of kissing up to his Kentucky Bible-thumpers, I would like him a lot more. In fact if Rand would respond to the Bluegrass State folks with this: And God said, “Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit. You shall have them for food. (Genesis 1:29), he would be my hero. It would also be good if he could separate his personal views from his political views on the abortion and same-sex marriage issues. A person with roots in Libertarianism should be able to do that. Otherwise, I seem to like most of what Rand has to say. he's excellent on fiscal issues, foreign policy and military issues, guns and he's OK on taxes. He could use some tweaking there, but I like the foundation.

The people who must step up and take the blame for the failures in Detrocity are the mayor and the city council. And that includes those who recently resigned. The democrat party is to blame for this, both the elected officials and the voters for continuously putting these fools in office. A demoncrat has been mayor of Detroit since 1962. For those of you not so good with math, that's 51 years. The city council is supposedly elected on an at-large, non-partisan basis. But come on now, how many republicans do you think ever made it onto the Detroit City Council? Michigan governor Rick Snyder (R) is not to blame. The unions are not directly to blame, although their voting habits certainly helped elect those who are to blame. State appointed Emergency Manager Kevyn Orr has been given a very tough (and thankless) task of trying to salvage something out of this disaster, and he just submitted a plan to alter health insurance plans and save the city $12 million.

The minimum wage has also recently become a debate, with some lawmakers wanting to raise the minimum wage to $10.10. Does anyone else realize what a dumbassed idea this is? Who else sees this would be an epic disaster? More companies are avoiding hiring full time help and instead bringing on workers at part time house due to the impending doom of Obamacare. Raising the minimum wage to $10.10 would cause layoffs, resulting in more work for a smaller staff working part-time hours. It would also crush small businesses. Can you imagine the family owned restaurant that's been around for 50 years all of a sudden being forced to pay $10.10/hour? It would cripple them. It would also cripple small, regional chains. For example, there is a chain here in Western Pennsylvania called The Exchange. The specialize in used DVD's, CD's, music players, video games and systems. Yes they do stock new items, but they rely heavily on used inventory to keep prices reasonable for their teenage/young adult target consumers. If they had to pay employees $10.10, those great prices would disappear. And finally do you really think the semi-literate teenager at McDonald's who still screws up your order even after you repeated it three times deserves $10.10/hour? Or what about the miserable 40-something woman working the cash register at the grocery store who barely look at you and never smiles? Raising the minimum wage that much would do more harm than good. And of course the AFL/CIO is pushing this hard because if the minimum wage increases, they can demand an increase in their already inflated wages.

Russia granted asylum to NSA whistleblower and American hero, Edward Snowden. I never thought I would see the day when I look to Russia to defend liberty and freedom.

Is it just me or could the billions of dollars in foreign aid the United States is throwing around be put to far better use here in America? Why are we sending money to Pakistan, Jordan, Egypt, Afghanistan, Nigeria and Keny... OK I know why the last one is getting foreign aid. It's hush money. But why in the hell are we still sending money to those other countries? How about using it to help schools who wish to hire security but don't have enough in their budget? How about trimming that national debt? Let's give the brave men and women in the military a bonus instead of sending money to countries which hate us and want to kill our soldiers.

It's about time the "mainstream" media finally realizes some bad shit went down at Benghazi. Is that from the No Shit Department at the news channels? If even half of what is starting to come out is true, heads must roll and jail time is a must. No one should be untouchable in this. That includes Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton, David Petraeus and Eric Holder. If that means impeachment, so be it. Four good Americans were murdered and it all could have been prevented. That attack legally occurred on American soil. It was a terrorist attack and nothing was done to prevent it or about it.

The Affordable Care Act (aka Obamacare), is finally being exposed for what it is: a monstrosity of a unavoidable failure waiting to happen. So much so, Obama's staunchest allies, the unions, are beginning to demand its repeal. The Teamsters, UFCW and UNITE-HERE all have publicly voiced their opposition to the plan saying it will "destroy the very health and well being" of workers. Welcome to the party, guys. What the fuck took you so long? The IRS, who is was tasked with enforcing Obamacare, has also now given a collective "OH HELL NO!" to the plan. This is what happens when arrogant, self-serving, ineffective and incompetent legislators pass a bill BEFORE THEY FUCKING READ IT!

The RINO's in CONgress are becoming more and more unbearable every day. The biggest of the two, Lindsey Graham and John McCain need to be replaced. Graham will have a grass-roots challenger in the primary. We can only hope South Carolina has had enough of his bullshit and gets him out of Washington DC. Hopefully John McCain will retire in 2016 when he is 80 years old. It's scary we will have to deal with him for that long.

I know I will piss-off baseball purists with this statement, but fuck them. I don't care about PED's in baseball. I've been a baseball fan since I was 5 years old and I love a good, grind-it-out 3-2 game as much as the next fan. But the most fun I have ever had as a fan was watching the McGwire-Sosa battle and I will never forget watching Barry Bonds' #756 go into the bleachers. This isn't football where use of PED's could lead to life threatening injuries. Fans these days want to see the long ball and the stolen base. How about a compromise? Let Major League Baseball pick one PED which is legal so the playing field is level.

If I ever have the opportunity, I will move to one of these five states: Florida, Tennessee, South Dakota, Nevada or Texas. They have three qualities I like very much: no income tax, Right to Work and they are not alcoholic beverage control states. Tennessee would be my first choice.

OK, let me finish up with a random fact: Adult film actors and actresses are 80% less likely to have an STD than someone not in the industry.


Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read my blog. I very much appreciate it. As always, if you cannot be a poet, be the poem.


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My Quest to Eat Healthier, Part One

I've been cooking a lot with rice lately. I add in some veggies and some chicken to go with it. There are so many options with those three ingredients I can enjoy a different lunch every day for a week at work. Last week, I added some Cajun seasoning to the water when I cooked the rice. I generally like flavoring the rice rather than the chicken. (I'll do this with curry seasoning and fajita seasoning as well.) I just like how the rice absorbs the seasoning. One exception to that rule is when I to sweet and sour chicken. In that case, I pour the sauce over the chicken as it's cooking to get that nice coating on the meat. Sometimes I don't season anything until it is all thrown together in the pan and usually I toss some Soy sauce on it and let everything soak up some flavor. I like some Oriental flair in my food my food now and then. Cooking this way is good for someone like my who sits in a cubicle all day and doesn't really get much exercise other than walking the dog and cutting the grass. (Yes, I could force myself to do more, but baby steps here. Healthy eating is step one for me.) I'm trying to stick to chicken as much as possible for my lunches simply because it's much healthier than red meat. I do keep some thin cut top sirloin in my freezer just for that one day I'd like a change. When I go the beef route, it's nearly always a teriyaki fused meal. You can't go wrong with that. And I do not add any butter to my rice. (Sorry Paula Deen.) I want to eat as healthy as possible and pouring butter on rice is not the way to do that. Don't get me wrong, I will indulge in some unhealthy meals once in awhile. I like some Long John Silver's and Papa John's as much as the next person. But I'm approaching my 37th birthday in December so I feel an obligation to myself to eat healthier as often as I can.

I plan on experimenting with some Thai inspired meals as well as I have developed a liking for that style of cooking. I may use more pork for the Thai cooking if I can get some nice pork loin on sale at the grocery store. It would give me some variety and loin is generally a better cut of meat. I'd likely do it in the slow cooker to get it as tender as possible and full of flavor. I would also have a nice sauce to go with the meal. It's not something I usually do, so that would also be a nice diversion.

As for the veggies, it just depends on my mood when I am preparing the meal as to what I grab from the freezer. I prepare my lunch the night before so it's whatever I feel like at the moment. The easiest option is the mixed vegetables. You know, the kind that look like the veggies in Campbell's soup. A couple of handfuls of those with the rice and chicken make a nice looking dish. Sometimes I go for a California blend or get really motivated and cook up some fresh zucchini and yellow squash, but the latter is mostly when I do an herb-fused chicken dish.

So yeah, that's part one of my journey into eating healthier. I'm cooking more with pasta lately as well, but that's a discussion for another entry. Thank you again for reading. And as always, if you cannot be a poet, be the poem.


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Why I Like Winger

The first time I ever saw a Winger video I said, "Hey, the singer looks like my friend's brother!" Now that's not why I took a liking to Winger, but it is what initially grabbed my attention. The video in question was their trademark power ballad "Headed for a Heartbreak". Granted, this song broke zero new ground and wouldn't even be in my top ten best power ballads of all time. But it did get me started down the path of Winger fandom.

Now most people laugh when I mention Winger as a band I like. I'm guessing they gave far too much credit to Beavis & Butt-Head's lovable loser, Stuart for making Winger seem lame. That however is far from the truth. Yes, singing a song about sex with an underage girl broke zero new ground as KISS, Motley Crue and Bon Jovi have all done that before. What sets Winger apart from other bands of this era is singer, Kip Winger.

Kip was not the typical hair band singer. He didn't have the higher octave voice commonly possessed by hair band singers (Vince Neil, Axl Rose, Tom Keifer, Taime Downe, Dee Snider, etc). Granted, Jon Bon Jovi and Brett Michaels weren't higher octave singers either, but I will get to them later. Kip had a deeper voice and when necessary, it was gutteral and gravelly. This is very noticeable on the band's hit song, "Can't Get Enuff". It also shows up on songs such as "Junkyard Dog" and "Down Incognito". His deeper voice also worked well on ballads such as "Miles Away" and the previously mentioned "Headed for a Heartbreak". Kip rarely receives credit for being a good vocalist and that is truly unfair.

"Can't Get Enuff" is may favorite Winger video. It's sexy, just dirty enough and fun. Most videos from that era weren't able to capture all three. In fact, most couldn't capture two. Winger pulled this video off perfectly.

Another area where Kip receives zero credit is charisma. Jon Bon Jovi and Bret Michaels steal the entire category here. I can't say that is entirely unreasonable. They were the two most charismatic singers of the era. And even now in the 21st century, Bret Michaels has become a TV darling and Jon Bon Jovi as his own line in Avon. So obviously, the still got it. I think Kip was looked over because his charisma wasn't the charming kind of charisma. Kip had an animalistic kind of charisma. It was actually a "let's-fuck-in-the-alley-during-a-thunderstorm" kind of charisma. It was that different kind of vibe Kip gave that made Winger's more sexually fueled songs believable. Much more so than when Jon Bon Jovi sang "Lay Your Hands on Me". He was just having fun. When Kip sang a sexual song, you could tell he meant every word, even with a song as cheesy as "Seventeen".

Winger's third album, Pull, was by far their best. It was released in 1993, right around the grunge explosion and was not a huge commercial success but has well received critically and is also widely considered to be the favorite of the fans. It also showed the band exploring some socio-political themes in songs such as "Who's the One" and "Blind Revolution Mad". It is also the album which contains my favorite Winger song, "Down Incognito". That song also appears on my musical biography.

Winger is also a good band to see in concert. The band sounds great live and yes, Kip really can play the harmonica. I saw them when the were a support act for Poison along with Faster Pussycat and Cinderella.

I don't expect to change the minds of any haters but if I even influence you to YouTube a couple Winger videos, I'll say it's a job well done.

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Where is the support for Antonio's family?

Where is the public support for this child's family? Why has President Obama not made a public statement about how sad he is this happened? Where are all the messages of sympathy from celebrities? America, land of hypocrisy.

WWE Dream Matches: The Brawls

This is the second entry in a series of my WWE dream matches. As with the first one, consider all participants to be in the prime of their career.

TRIPLE H VS. BRUNO SAMMARTINO -- STEEL CAGE MATCH

Bruno Sammartino is one of professional wrestling's toughest ever competitors. He sold out Madison Square Garden an unbelievable 187 times. It is believed he only lost one steel cage match throughout his entire career. So if you are going to put together a dream match inside a steel cage, who better to have as one of the participants than Bruno? Sammartino also produced two very long title reigns, one just under eight years and another of 40 months. He battled some of the most legendary superstars of all time, including George "The Animal" Steele, Ivan Koloff, Super Star Billy Graham, Freddie Blassie, Gorilla Monsoon and Killer Kowalski. Bruno wasn't specifically a brawler, he could mat wrestle with the best of them. But inside a cage, he was damn near unstoppable.

Like Bruno, Triple H has enjoyed headlining many events. Trips has been in the main event of Wrestlemania multiple times as well as other top of the card feuds with big-time superstars such as Stone Cold, Shawn Michaels, The Rock, Undertaker, John Cena, Mick Foley and Ric Flair. Triple H also puts on a show inside a steel cage. He can take a beating and can hand out an equally nasty beating. So putting he and Sammartino inside a cage and letting them beat the hell out of each other would be a no-brainer. I imagine it would sell out Madison Square Garden once again.

Triple H would have a height advantage standing 6'4" with Sammartino checking in at 5'10". However, Bruno tipped the scales during the prime of his career at 265 pounds with Triple H at 255 pounds. These two inside a cage would be brutal and intense with the opportunity to be the best steel cage match of all time.

EDGE VS. JIMMY SNUKA -- LADDER MATCH

I know ladder matches weren't really big during most of Snuka's career, but this is a guy who was known as "Superfly" and did dive off the top of a steel cage so if anyone could adapt and go all-out in a match he's unfamiliar with, it would be Snuka. Superfly has been involved in some very high profile matches including a steel cage title match against Bob Backlund for the WWF Title as and was the first victim in the Undertaker's Wrestlemania streak. This is a guy who knows how to put on a show, as does his opponent.

Edge is one of the greatest ladder match competitors of all time. He, along with Christian and the Hardyz, elevated this type of match to heights no wrestling fan ever thought possible. Throughout his run in WWE, Edge was fearless in his matches and took more risks than nearly anyone else. He not only knew how to entertain, but also how to sell a match and make sure his opponent looked good as well. I'm not saying Snuka would need that kind of help in a match, but Edge knowing this type of match would be a benefit.

STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN VS. ROWDY RODDY PIPER -- STREET FIGHT

Now, if you want to see two men who know how to throw down in a street fight, it would be Austin and Piper. These guys were rule-breakers and brawlers and have been involved in many rough matches throughout their careers. Keep in mind Piper is a Golden Gloves winner and holds a black belt in Judo, and you can see how he is a perfect choice for a street fight type match.

Stone Cold Steve Austin is WWE's most legendary rule breaker and brawler and has gone toe-to-toe with the toughest in the wrestling industry. A street fight with Piper would be nothing short of iconic. Both Piper and Austin fought every match with a chip on their shoulder and a never-say-day attitude. You would expect these guys to use anything they could get their hands on as a weapon in an effort to win. I also have no doubt the announcer's table would need some repairs by the end of the match. Whatever the result of the match, you can guaran-damn-tee it would be, to steal a term from JR, a slobberknocker.

There you have it, my choices for the WWE dream matches brawl edition. There will be one left in this series and that will be the tag team matches. Until next time, if you cannot be a poet, be the poem.



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This Will Be Like Shouting at a Pile of Rocks...

As someone who has become very Libertarian minded, I know this rant will do absolutely nothing to penetrate the cement vaults of all you annoyingly loyal republicans and democrats out there. But I've had this rant bottled up and it must become part of this blog or I will need blood pressure medication and a shrink. And also quite possibly, a lawyer. So if any of you out there who still refuse to budge from either of the two Big Evils are in any way a bit overly sensitive, just stop reading now. To the rest of you who can handle some anger and a verbal Gibbs slap, read on!

Let me start with you recraplicans. What the fuck? No, really...what the fuck? Ever since Wrongney lost the election you have sat back and watched your members of Congress kneel down and take it on the face for the Obama administration. You have watched in silence, making the occasional symbolic and idle threat as the RINO's destroy a once proud party. It is all of you who have allowed gutless and mentally impotent people like John McCain, Lindsey Graham, Susan Collins, Lamar Alexander, Orrin Hatch, Pat Toomey and Marco Rubio to slowly chip away at everything classic Republicans hold dear to their hearts. And lest we forget, just a few months ago, Senator Rubio was thought to be the shining beacon of great light to lead the party forward. I understand there are some of you still out there who want to force the RINOs into extinction. I know a few of them personally. But there aren't enough. Too many recraplicans are indifferent about the destruction of our freedoms and the raping of your liberties. The problem is many of you rely on Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly for information. And that is not simply a little problem. It's a really fucking big one. Don't get me wrong, Rush is a great entertainer and he actually puts research into what he discusses. But if he is your go-to for direction, you have some serious issues. As for Hannity and O'Reilly, both are pompous morons. In O'Reilly's case, quite possibly a drunk and pompous moron. Eliminate the latter two from your life completely. Limit your exposure to Limbaugh. (If you are wondering why I haven't mentioned Glen Beck, I'm not sure where I stand with him. Part of me wants to believe he had a Libertarian revelation, but forgive me if I am not convinced.) Push the homophobes in your party over the edge of the Grand Canyon. Oh, and tell Sarah Palin to go back to Alaska and wrestle a polar bear or jerkoff a moose or whatever it is she does. She sure as hell cannot be allowed to be a player in the republican party. Listen to me, republicans. Start taking your party back. Stand up and make right all the wrongs which have been done in the past five years. Or, if you see it as a sinking ship not worthy of rescuing, join the Libertarian crusade. And before you start throwing back questions at me about the liberal social beliefs of the Libertarian party, consider this: Libertarians are able to keep separate personal and social/political beliefs. Just because you wouldn't choose abortion in your personal life doesn't mean you can't support the right of woman to decide on her own free will what's best for her life. Because frankly, it's none of your damn business anyway. If you are a frustrated republican and want a new (but longer) road, if you can accept the attitude I describe in the previous sentence, if you love liberty and freedom above all else, come on over. We could use your help. If you can't, or aren't willing...well stay with the clusterfuck of a failing party you helped create. You're beyond reason or saving.

OK, now on to you demoncrats. First off, stop watching Bill Maher, Piers Morgan, Chris Matthews and Al Sharpton. (I know only about 57 of you out there actually watch Sharpton's show, but please stop.) Those people are full of nothing but hatred, propaganda, venom and misinformation. That goes quadruple for that Bill Maher asshole. The sooner we get him off the air, the better America will be for it. On a Congressional level, you need to rid your party of degenerative twatrags like Diane Feinstein, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid. I has happy we got rid of a mushbrained tool when John Kerry accepted a cabinet position (make your liquor joke) in the O administration. However, you old money, blue blood, wrinkly white people voters up there in ASSachusetts just sent a Kerry clone right back to the Senate in Ed Markey. Seriously, what wrong with you up there in MA? Senility? You had a chance to elect a young, Hispanic, former Navy SEAL with a business degree from Harvard and you chose the old white guy. The problem with you democrats is you want so badly for the first half-black prince to succeed, you are willing to accept anything his administration does and good, noble and in the best interest of the United States. Unfortunately, none of it is. You've been duped. You are just as gutless and mentally impotent as the people who continue to send the RINOs to Congress. However, when you vote for these degenrates you know what you're getting. I'm certain that actually makes you worse. You demoncrats, just like the recraplicans, showed nothing but apathy as the Obama administration slowly stripped you of your liberty and freedom. You watched complacently as it all happened. (And I haven't even touched on Benghazi and our soldiers still being in harm's way.) But fear not, there is still hope. The democrat party can once again be something JFK would be proud of. But to fix your party you have to start by taking out the trash. To begin cleaning up your party you first need to remove the vagina worshipers from the pro-choice movement. That type of militant attitude and behavior is destroying the movement and alienating those who actually respect what the pro-choice movement is all about. The Libertarians understand and respect it. And you sure as hell won't hear them chanting "hail Satan". Get that filth away from your party. The same goes for the nitwits who think guns murder people. People murder people, not inanimate objects. Removing those two types of people from the party will raise the collective IQ considerably. If some of you democrats out there think this is a hopeless endeavor, there is also room for you in the Libertarian party. If you are willing to explore fiscal issues in a different light and want government to stay out of your shit, then join us. We can use your help also. It's time to say enough is enough with this oppressive, government-knows-best nonsense. Step out of the crowd and walk with us. It will be a difficult path, but more fulfilling. You will see yourself as actually part of something instead of being just a voiced drowning in the mob.

Both the jackass and the elephant are equally responsible for the horrible condition of America. Both parties now believe it is OK to illegally spy on Americans. Both parties have accepted possible drone attacks on American soil as reasonable. The NDAA was bi-partisan. Is that the America in which you want to live? Do you want your freedom and liberty back? Would you love nothing more than to simply live your life as you damn please? If that is what you want you have two choices. The first is to begin a crusade to remove the trash from your respective party. The second choice is to choose a new party: the Libertarian party. I am a supporter of the porcupine. We could use some help in our fight. It doesn't hurt to do some reading on our views and decide for yourself if you fit in. Unlike the other two parties, we don't tell you how to think. We give you the opportunity to think.


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Movies So Bad, You Have To See Them: Angelfist

Every once in awhile there comes a movie so awful, you can't take your eyes off of it. Angelfist is one of those movies. This gem of a martial arts movie is from 1991 and Roger Corman served as executive producer. Those of you familiar with him should know exactly what to expect.

The film's hero is Katara/Kat, an FBI agent who travels to the Philippines to investigate the murder of her sister, a photographer who captured images of an assassination. Along the way she meets a doofus who calls himself Alcatraz, a trainer who has seen too many reruns of Magnum P.I. and a stripper named Lorda. She also gets into a few fights.

Kat is played by the late Catya Sassoon. If her last name is familiar, it should be. Her father is the great Vidal. Catya died of an accidental overdose in 2002 and leaves behind a husband and three children. She was at one time the World Karate Association's North American Champion. Catya's martial arts background salvaged the fight scenes, keeping them just above the dreadful level. Even the scene where Kat fights off multiple intruders while topless was awful, albeit visually pleasing. One can even ignore the fact Catya's breasts are loaded with silicone during this scene. Despite looking good while fighting, Catya looks silly when using any type of firearm. And the character of Kat must also be very into hygiene because she showers three times during this movie.

Now lets me say something about the male lead. Alcatraz is played by an actor named Michael Shaner. I don't expect you to recognize his name because I sure as hell didn't. Shaner's most famous role to date is still that of the jumper in Lethal Weapon. That being said, he handles his job of playing a complete tool perfectly.

To avenge her sister's death, Kat must take on a group called the Black Brigade. (I can't even give them points for originality there.) To accomplish this, she must enter a kickboxing tournament called the Kubate. Again, this is not the most original of story lines, but even poorly choreographed female kickboxing can keep the attention of most average audiences. What couldn't keep my attention was the man who helped train Kat for this tournament. He was a cross between Tom Selleck and Danny Trejo and just straight-up awful.

Throw into this movie b-level, b-movie actress Melissa Moore who plays (surprise, surprise) the stripper. Even more so, she plays a stripper who knows how to kickbox.

Angelfist is everything you would expect from a low budget martial arts movie. It's loaded with roll-your-eyes bad dialogue, horrible fight scenes, and campy violence. The bad guys lack substance and the male lead is a complete bozo. There is no chemistry between Sassoon and Shaner. Most porn films have better acting. So why should you watch this? Because it's that damn bad. It's one of those movies so horrible and so facepalmingly bad, you must see it at least once. It's not the worst way to kill 80 minutes of your life. And it is no worse than any of the direct-to-dvd garbage Steven Seagal has released in the past half-decade. So keep your eyes open at used dvd stores for this movie. Watch it once and pass it along to your friends.


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Happy Fourth of July!

Pulled Pork Tacos

Every now and then, I will share one of my personal recipes with you. I present to you my recipe for pulled pork tacos.

INGREDIENTS
2 LB pork loin
1 package of your favorite taco seasoning
1/2 tsp garlic salt
1/2 tsp chili powder
1/2 tsp onion powder
1 cup small-diced pineapple*
1 cup diced tomato*
1/2 cup finely chopped onion*
8 OZ Monterey Jack cheese
Your favorite taco shells (I prefer soft shelled for this.)
Your favorite taco sauce

Preheat the oven to 275 degrees.

Combine the taco seasoning with the other spices and blend well. Rub the pork loin in the spice mix until completely covered. Place pork loin on oven tray and place on middle rack in oven.

*While the loin is cooking, prepare your toppings.

Check the temperature of the loin after twenty minutes and every ten minutes after until the internal temperature is above 165 degree. Allow ten minutes for the loin to cool and pull into shredded pieces.

You are now ready to assemble and enjoy your pulled pork tacos.

Underrated Albums: Pornograffitti

Extreme's 1990 album, Pornograffitti is known for the success of two ballads, both top five hits. The first being the touching acoustic number, "More Than Words". The second is the folk infused "Hole Hearted", which to me is actually a better song than "More Than Words". However, Pornograffitti has much more to offer listeners than a couple ballads. It's an entertaining album filled with funk-fused hard rock and a perfect combination of thought provoking and simply fun lyrics.

Let me start with one of the forgotten singles from the album, "Get the Funk Out". This song had moderate success on rock radio, but was ignored in all other outlets including MTV which rarely played the video. (Yes boys and girls, MTV used to play music videos.) "Funk" brings together 90s hard rock with a horn section to create something that must be played loudly at every opportunity. Primarily, "Get the Funk Out" is a political/social message. I've always thought the Libertarian Party should adopt this as an unofficial anthem. The lyrics are very appropriate:

"You're all invited to the party but you know you didn't have to come. No rotten apple is going to spoil my funk."

And then the chorus: "If you don't like what you see here, get the funk out. We won't try to force feed you, get the funk out."

This song could also be an anthem for the rock and roll crowd as well. As most rock and roll fans will tell you, we don't care what you listen to. Just don't tread on our turf and start any shit.



"Decadence Dance" is not so much political but rather an observation of America and the obsessive need to one up the neighbors or a family member. It's about wanting more and refusing to draw a line or say enough is enough. This track also highlights the guitar work of Nuno Bettencourt, one of hard rock's most underrated guitarists.

The fun side of Extreme shows up on Pornograffitti on tracks such as "Lil Jack Horny" and "Suzi (Wants Her All Day What?)". But let's start with "Jack".

The coolest thing about "Lil Jack Horny" is guest musician Dweezil Zappa showing off his axe grinding skills. The song itself is cheesy but considering the era, it fits right in with all other sexually charged rock songs. "Suzi" is a different story. This time around, the lyrics are done right and when vocalist Gary Cherone yells "Suzi wants her all day sucker", there is no doubt as to what he is referring. "Suzi" indeed does not go with subtle.

"Sweet and sour a bitter tasting treat; It's the only flavor I think she likes to, she likes to eat."

Speaking of Gary Cherone, let's face it, he is a poor man's Mike Patton. Now don't take that as me insulting or disrespecting Cherone (or Patton for that matter). Gary Cherone is an adequate vocalist. You can clearly hear he is having fun with the songs, especially tracks which allow him to ham it up a bit. That being said, I believe he is better suited for ballads rather than hard rocking songs. (This is also evident on Pornograffitti's other ballad "When I First Kissed You".) But keep in mind, Cherone recorded one album as the vocalist for Van Halen. So obviously he is not without talent.

"When I'm President" sounds like a title which would be very political. However, this is pure, over-the-top satire complete with a references to Alice Cooper's "Elected". It's one of my favorite tracks on Pornograffitti for that reason. And this track is great for the Mike Patton comparison as Cherone goes through it with a rap-rock style of vocals.

I can't figure out if the album's title track is a joke or a big middle finger, especially with Cherone screaming the word "sex" repeatedly. I mean it's a song from a 90s rock band about how sex is everywhere you look.

If you own a copy of Pornograffitti, please dust it off and give it another listen. If you don't own it, I'm sure many used CD stores would have it available for a very reasonable price. And there's always iTunes. This is an album that went double platinum based on the strength of two ballads. Just imagine what it could have been had more rockers been paying attention.

Thanks again for reading. I appreciate each and every one of you who takes the time to do so. And as always, if you cannot be a poet, be the poem.


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A quickie

Coming this weekend, a look back at an album that deserves to be known for more than a ballad.

RIP James Gandolfini.

Do you believe what happened to Michael Hastings was really an accident?

Fuck you, Lil' Wayne.


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WWE Dream Matches, Part One

This will be the first in a series of entries detailing my WWE dream matches. This one will focus on matches bringing the best in one-on-one in-ring action. Later entries will focus on brawl oriented matches and also tag team matches. Keep in mind, I am writing this as though all wrestlers are in the prime of the careers.

Kurt Angle vs. Mr. Perfect
Kurt Angle and the late Mr. Perfect had a few things in common when it came to professional wrestling: arrogance, charisma and great technical wrestling skills. Mr. Perfect is already in the WWE Hall of Fame and one day Kurt Angle will be also. A program between these two would have legendary bombastic banter. After all, one was perfect and the other was your Olympic hero. As good as the mic work wold have been for these two, the in-ring action would have been better. If you are a fan of technical wrestling with reversals and submissions and simple holds used as significant moves in the match, then this would have been a match for you. A pinnacle for a feud between Mr. Perfect and Kurt Angle would definitely be a 60-minute ironman match. Allowing those two men to showcase pure in-ring talent in a match which requires to physical conditioning and ring general ability would be nothing less than epic.


CM Punk vs. "Macho Man" Randy Savage
There is just something about these two characters which just screams for them to have a match. The contrasting personalities would provide entertaining trash talk. (Imagine Punk mimicking Randy Savage!) And Punk is very much a student of the business. He has not only mastered the aspects of in-ring action but he took it upon himself to learn about the production side of things as well. Randy Savage was very similar in his approach to the business. He believed in the importance of knowing and trusting your opponent and discussing and working on match ideas right up until the entrance music played. Remember his epic match with Ricky Steamboat? CM Punk and Randy Savage would have taken the same approach to a match. They would have traveled together and watched the other's previous matches and been in each other's ear constantly to piece together a match for the ages.

The Rock vs. Shawn Michaels
You could debate for three straight days about which matches in these superstars careers were his best. The Rock and Shawn Michaels were two of the all time best on the mic and also two of the all time best in the ring. Just the mic skills alone would make this one hell of an entertaining feud. The Rock's cocky attitude and goofy humor going up against the just as cocky Shawn Michaels but with a drier sense of humor and Michael's willingness to make fun of himself would give audiences some of the most entertaining banter of all time. The in-ring action would also be epic. Shawn is referred to by many people as the best of all time for good reason. His matches with Triple H, Ric Flair, Undertaker, Kurt Angle and Chris Jericho are among the best matches of all time. The Rock has also had epic encounters with Triple H, Stone Cold, Undertaker and Mick Foley. Both men know how entertain a crowd either with the mic or in the ring. And this would be an Wrestlemania main event no one would ever forget.


Part one of my WWE dream matches is in the books. The next installment in this series will feature my choices for brawl oriented matches (Hell in a Cell, Last Man Standing, etc). And will hopefully be ready in a couple weeks. Until then, please check back for other entries on music, movies and food. Thanks for reading and remember, if you cannot be a poet, be the poem.

@jtlovecraft

Just a reminder...

The Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution:

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Fucking crazy video

Blood and disturbing images? Check. Metal music? Check. Two gorgeous girls with electrical tape on their breasts screaming some vocals? Check. I give you the Butcher Babies.

Grammy Screwjobs -- Joan Osborne

One of the biggest screwjobs in Grammy Awards history is Alanis Morissette's Jagged Little Pill winning the award over Joan Osborne's far superior Relish. I have always believed Pill to be nothing more than an average album. It contains a total of one great song and two good songs. There are plenty of average songs and one totally awful song. It did not deserve to win the Best Album Grammy.

Let's start with the one great song on Jagged Little Pill. That would be the grrl break-up anthem, "You Oughta Know". (Never mind it was inspired by her breakup with Dave "Uncle Joey" Coulier.) If the majority of the album was songs with the same angst and attitude as "You Oughta Know", I wouldn't be writing this entry. The second best song on the album is "Hand In My Pocket" and it is a big drop-off from "Oughta". Yes, "Hand" is catchy. That is wonderful for radio and karaoke. Sure, there is a listener connection to the lyrics. I'm sure that hasn't been done before. So why did millions of people get super excited about this album?

OK, so let's talk about the awful song on Jagged Little Pill. That would be the track "Ironic". Why is it awful? Because it doesn't have a fucking thing to do with irony! It's about really shitty luck! Why did no one point this out to Alanis? Or was it just assumed most Americans were too dumb to realize this? Nevertheless, it's an awful song, but yet became the biggest hit of Morissette's career.

Joan Osborne's album Relish could not be more different that Morissette's. It is stronger lyrically and far more musically diverse. Where Alanis relied on Glen Ballard produced grrl-pop, Joan Osborne dives into an album filled with a mix of blues, folk and alterna-country. Her song-writing, primarily partnered with Eric Brazillian, is also superior to the Morissette-Ballard team.

"St. Teresa", Relish's opening track is a dark and sorrow driven song fueled by folky-blues. It is one of the album's strongest tracks, especially from a musical standpoint. The song was also denounced by the Catholic Church for being a veiled invitation for fans to volunteer at Planned Parenthood. Take that with a grain of salt, if you will.

Joan also does something ballsy and covers Bob Dylan's "The Man in the Long Black Coat". The amazing thing here is, it works beautifully. Joan captures Bob Dylan's emotion but not in the raw sense Dylan did with the original. She captures in a spiritual way and by doing so, brings vivid visualization to the lyrics.

The alterna-country appears in full form on the track "Right Hand Man". It's not one of the album's strongest tracks, but it is able to bring forth an explosion of bold sexuality without being crass or vulgar. The song "Let's Just Get Naked" does the opposite of "Right Hand Man". It takes a title most people would expect to follow with sexual lyrics and instead extends a plea for honesty and openness. It's a clever and song and one of my favorites. Lyrically, "Naked" may be the best writing on the album.

Osborne achieved mainstream exposure with the mega-hit "One of Us" which asks bold questions about faith and God. Joan angered Christians of all denominations with the song because apparently we aren't supposed to ask provocative questions about God. Musically, "One of Us" is more pop than anything else, but it is the song which made her a star in the mid 90's. The song "Lumina" was featured in two popular television shows, the pilot episode of The Sopranos and also on an episode of The Good Wife.

I'm not sure how the Grammy voters arrived at their decision to vote for Jagged Little Pill over Relish, but they made the wrong decision. Next time you are at a used CD store, look though the bargain bin for Relish. It's an album far too many people wrote off and ignored. If you find it, buy it. If you buy it, listen to it repeatedly. You won't be sorry that you did.


Until next time, if you cannot be a poet, be the poem.
@JTLovecraft

Five Greatest Rock Songs Of All Time

"Good Times, Bad Times" -- Led Zeppelin (1969)
This is the song which introduced Led Zeppelin to the world. It was the first track on their debut album and contained some of the most amazing and complex instrumentation of Zep's career and that's saying something. Jimmy Page used a Leslie speaker (which was developed for the Hammond organ) to create the swirling affect on his guitar for this track which was risky for a band starting out but it worked beautifully. Bassist John Paul Jones still insists the riff he wrote for "Good Times, Bad Times" was the most difficult of his career. Think about that for a moment. Finally, the drum work from the late John Bonham is beyond amazing. Originally thought to have been done by a double kick drum it was later revealed Bonham used only a single kick drum which Page described as "superhuman".

Despite rarely being played in its entirety live and not being a commercial success upon its original release (#80 on Billboard), "Good Times, Bad Times" receives heavy airplay on rock radio stations and is truly one of Zeppelin's finest tracks and one of rock n' roll's greatest ever.

"Layla" -- Derek and the Dominoes/Eric Clapton (1970)
There may not be many songs which exceed "Layla" from a musical standpoint. Separate guitar pieces written by legends Eric Clapton and the late Duane Allman highlight the first part of the song with Allman being credited for the song's signature riff. Originally going to be a straight forward ballad, it was Allman's influence which steered the direction of the song to it's rocking final version.

The piano coda was written by former band member for the duo Delaney and Bonnie, Jim Gordon. Not originally to be part of the song, Clapton convinced Gordon to record it for "Layla". Clapton and Allman improvised the guitar work to accompany the piano. Clapton describes "Layla" as one of his most difficult songs to play live and emphasized the need for a large band to play it correctly. It's difficult to play live because "you have to play and sing completely opposing lines, which is almost impossible to do," as explained by Clapton.

The song was written for Patty Boyd who was married to George Harrison at the time. She would divorce Harrison in 1974 and marry Eric Clapton in 1979. The two would remain married until 1989. Upon initial release in 1970 it was not a commercial success. It was re-released in 1972 and reached #10 on the Billboard charts. Clapton would record an acoustic version of "Layla" for MTV Unpluggedin 1992 and win a Grammy for Best Rock Song.

"Stranglehold -- Ted Nugent (1975)
It's all about the music for this song. Let's face it. When it comes to lyrics, Ted Nugent isn't exactly Bob Dylan. His strength comes from his axe and it is on full frontal display here. "Stranglehold" was the lead single from Ted Nugent's debut album and did not feature him on vocals. On many of Nugent's early recordings, Derek St. Holmes provided the vocals and "Stranglehold" was no exception. Nugent did provide some backing vocals for "Stranglehold", however. As I stated, "Stranglehold" is all about the music. It contains one of the most hypnotic and mind-bending instrumental stretches in any rock song. It's very much musical sexuality. When I hear it, I picture scantily clad biker chicks on ecstacy dancing and making out in a seedy bar. Musically, "Stranglehold" was the best of Nugent's career. The guitar work here was never again duplicated by the loin cloth clad crazy man of rock n roll. However, very few others have even come close to matching what Ted did with "Stranglehold". It is, and always will be one of rock's greatest tunes.

"Who Are You" -- The Who (1978)
"Who Are You" is the title track from the final album featuring drummer Keith Moon who died shortly after the album was completed. It is also one of the highest charting songs in the US for The Who (#14 on Billboard). The framework for this song (minus the synthesizers), was set during a tour in 1976, most notably at a performance in Toronto. However, the first official live performance was December 15, 1977 at a show in London's Kilburn district. Pete Townshend's vocals carry "Who Are You". It's a gritty song set to a very opposite musical style with an opening verse reportedly inspired by true events in Townshend's life where he actually was found by a police officer in a Soho doorway.

The song is also infamous for two distinct uses of the work "fuck" which were surprisingly not edited for radio versions of the track. Although after the FCC heightened its regulations after the Janet Jackson nipple incident, many stations requested edited versions.

"Who Are You" has also become familiar to a new generation with it being the theme song for the immensely popular crime drama, CSI: Crime Scene Invetigation. It is not only one of The Who's finest, but one of rock's finest.

Sympathy for the Devil -- Rolling Stones (1968)
This song is my choice for the greatest rock song of all time and is incredible for many reasons. Not only is it widely considered to be the Rolling Stones most controversial song (which is saying something), it may lyrically be the best work from Mick Jagger and Keith Richards. It was also wrongly reported the Stones were playing this song during the killing of Meredith Hunter at a free concert in 1969. Hunter attempted to climb on the stage during the song and was pushed away by the Hell's Angels who were hired for event security. Hunter returned later with a gun but was stabbed and killed by a Hell's Angels member. The Stones were playing "Under My Thumb" by this time.

"Sympathy for the Devil" is a first person account from Lucifer of major atrocities throughout world history for which he takes full credit. The list includes the death of Jesus Christ, the Crusades, the rise of Stalin and Hitler and the assassinations of two Kennedys. It also includes a personal philosophy of Jagger's, "just as every cop is a criminal, and all the sinners saints". Following this list of horrors and bold accusations, Lucifer then pleads for sympathy. It drips with narcissism but Lucifer's argument is difficult to counter. In the late 60s, this angered many people who believed the band was promoting Satanism. Of course this song comes after the Stones previous album, Their Satanic Majesties Request which ironically contained no Satanic references outside of the album's title. It wasn't the Stones first bout with controversy as their song "Let's Spend the Night Together" gave television censors (and parents) everywhere heart attacks.

Musically Jagger originally envisioned this song in the style of Bob Dylan. It was Richards who suggested the samba style recording the song became. Outside of a brief hiatus in the early 1970s, "Sympathy" has been a staple in the Rolling Stones concerts and is very much a fan favorite.


There you have it. My greatest five greatest rock songs of all time. Until next time, if you cannot be a poet, be the poem.