Let me get this straight. All across America, Occupy groups are protesting the large profits taken in by those evil corporations and banks. But when a family like the Kardashians gets rich without any marketable skills or talents (not including the talents on display in Kim’s home video with Ray J, of course) Americans can‘t get enough. The K-dash Klan is adored and idolized. Yeah, makes sense to me because that’s the new American way.
In 2010 the Kardashian family had an estimated income of $65 million. And I defy any one of you to tell me something significant or worthwhile any of them did. Kim threw herself a 30th birthday party. Kourtney and Khloe did nothing; like they usually do. We’ve come to expect Kim to be the face of the sisters. She’s had high-profile romances with football players Reggie Bush and Miles Austin as well as a brief marriage to basketball player Kris Humphries (and I’ll get back to that later). She’s posed in Playboy. Khloe is married to Lamar Odom. You all just said, “who?!”, didn’t you?
Unlike people who have gone to college and worked their way through the corporate rat race the Kardashian family has never lived on Ramen or Hamburger Helper. They have never had to juggle bills or sell things on eBay to have money for Christmas presents. But their greed is not protested. And the force behind it is Kris Jenner, the mother.
Kris Jenner manages the girls’ enterprises. Do you want Kim to appear at a grand opening or party? Be ready to drop $100,000; if you are in the United States. Having Kim appear at a foreign venue could cost you a cool one million American dollars. And if that weren’t enough, Kris found a way to cash in on the Twitter craze. If you want Kim to endorse your product or service via Twitter, write a check for $25,000. Kris Jenner personifies greed. She won't even consider something unless it comes with a five-figure payment.
Now back to the biggest farce America has seen since Oliver Stone’s W.. Most people have to spend money on their wedding. Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries earned $15 million (and how much of that do you think KH actually saw?). After the big production and the showboating for the cameras, the marriage lasted 72 days. They should have to return every single gift they received.
The Kardashian family got rich from promoting excess. Excess is what rich republicans are accused of every day and is something the Occupy crowd claims to be rallying against. Maybe it’s time for a new approach.
I hereby call on all Americans to begin a new Occupy movement: Occupy Kardashian. It’s time we picket and camp out across the street from the homes of the Kardashian sisters and their parents. We need to gather outside the Dash stores and yell at people going in and out. Let’s show the Kardashians how much we resent their lives of excess while the rest of us actually have to use real skills and talent to earn a living.
I mean, if you can’t get rich for being a no-talent attention whore in America, what do we have left?
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Some movies to make you sleep with the lights on!
Halloween is almost here. It’s the time of year for scary movies. I’d like to share with you a few of my favorite horror movies. So cuddle up in a blanket and enjoy the thrills and chills
Gremlins -- I think most people forget this is actually a horror film. When a cuddly pet with too many special rules and needs accidentally spawns a horde of mischievous creatures, an entire town falls victim to their mayhem. Their behavior was gruesome enough that this movie helped lead to the creation of the PG-13 rating. Engineered by producers extraordinaire, Steven Spielberg and Peter Marshall, Gremlins is often overlooked as one of the creepiest horror movies of all time.
Halloween -- John Carpenter’s masterpiece gave birth to a new sub-genre of horror movie: the slasher film. Slasher films generally feature a seemingly unstoppable killer stalking teenagers or college students during periods of bad behavior (underage drinking, pre-marital sex, drug use, etc). The darkly shot movie combined with the most recognizable horror score of all time makes Halloween one of the must see movies every October 31st.
In the Mouth of Madness -- Another film from the legendary John Carpenter, this may be his most under-appreciated film, but it is definitely one of his creepiest. Imagine if you will reading a horror novel that literally drove you mad as you read. This movie has a Twilight Zone feel to it while delivering the chills and jumps expected from Carpenter.
Scream -- While this movie is part horror and part satire it is one of horror master Wes Craven’s greatest achievements. The slasher element exists as a masked killer stalks high-school kids, but the killer here is different from all other slasher villains. The satire enters as the movie breaks and lampoons the “rules” that supposedly exist in slasher films. Craven made perfect casting choices with Scream and as always, his eye behind the camera is dead-on. So if you want some laughs and chills, Scream is your movie.
House of 1000 Corpses -- And now for something completely different… Heavy metal singer Rob Zombie wrote and directed this campy homage to 1970s horror centered on a group of teens in search of stories about an infamous serial killer named Dr. Satan. They become stranded and fall prey to a murderous backwoods Texas family. With a cast featuring cult movie legends Bill Moseley and Sid Haig, House of 1000 Corpses is gruesome, creepy and most of all, fun.
Jeepers Creepers -- I’m not sure what is scarier, the Creeper or this fact this movie made Justin Long a star. I’d like to think a demon who needs to eat body parts to regenerate his own would win on that one, but let’s call it a tie. Jeepers Creepers begins delivering right from the start with a scene of menacing road rage and the suspense and thrills continue until the shocking end. (SPOILER ALERT: The bad guy wins!)
Have a great Halloween weekend everyone. And make sure to enjoy some scary movies.
Gremlins -- I think most people forget this is actually a horror film. When a cuddly pet with too many special rules and needs accidentally spawns a horde of mischievous creatures, an entire town falls victim to their mayhem. Their behavior was gruesome enough that this movie helped lead to the creation of the PG-13 rating. Engineered by producers extraordinaire, Steven Spielberg and Peter Marshall, Gremlins is often overlooked as one of the creepiest horror movies of all time.
Halloween -- John Carpenter’s masterpiece gave birth to a new sub-genre of horror movie: the slasher film. Slasher films generally feature a seemingly unstoppable killer stalking teenagers or college students during periods of bad behavior (underage drinking, pre-marital sex, drug use, etc). The darkly shot movie combined with the most recognizable horror score of all time makes Halloween one of the must see movies every October 31st.
In the Mouth of Madness -- Another film from the legendary John Carpenter, this may be his most under-appreciated film, but it is definitely one of his creepiest. Imagine if you will reading a horror novel that literally drove you mad as you read. This movie has a Twilight Zone feel to it while delivering the chills and jumps expected from Carpenter.
Scream -- While this movie is part horror and part satire it is one of horror master Wes Craven’s greatest achievements. The slasher element exists as a masked killer stalks high-school kids, but the killer here is different from all other slasher villains. The satire enters as the movie breaks and lampoons the “rules” that supposedly exist in slasher films. Craven made perfect casting choices with Scream and as always, his eye behind the camera is dead-on. So if you want some laughs and chills, Scream is your movie.
House of 1000 Corpses -- And now for something completely different… Heavy metal singer Rob Zombie wrote and directed this campy homage to 1970s horror centered on a group of teens in search of stories about an infamous serial killer named Dr. Satan. They become stranded and fall prey to a murderous backwoods Texas family. With a cast featuring cult movie legends Bill Moseley and Sid Haig, House of 1000 Corpses is gruesome, creepy and most of all, fun.
Jeepers Creepers -- I’m not sure what is scarier, the Creeper or this fact this movie made Justin Long a star. I’d like to think a demon who needs to eat body parts to regenerate his own would win on that one, but let’s call it a tie. Jeepers Creepers begins delivering right from the start with a scene of menacing road rage and the suspense and thrills continue until the shocking end. (SPOILER ALERT: The bad guy wins!)
Have a great Halloween weekend everyone. And make sure to enjoy some scary movies.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Not a parody post
October 23 marked the 52nd birthday of one of my generation's greatest comedic minds. Alfred Matthew "Weird Al" Yankovic blew out the candles Saturday. I've been a "Weird Al" fan since I was in elementary school. I've enjoyed his mega-hits like "Eat It", "Fat" and "Amish Paradise" as well lesser known tracks such as "She Drives Like Crazy" and "Do I Creep You Out?". And who could forget the Al Originals like "Dare to be Stupid", "UHF" and "The Night Santa Went Crazy"? Al has had a fantastic career and to this day remains the undisputed champion of the parody. In honor of his birthday, I am going to discuss a few of my all-time favorite "Weird Al" songs.
"A Complicated Song" -- A parody of Avril Lavigne's "Complicated"
When I think of jokes about constipation, incest and accidental beheadings, I'm expecting a stand-up routine from Larry the Cable Guy. However, Al pulls this song off without going overboard with the humor.
"Truck Drivin Song" -- A "Weird Al" original
I wonder if Al was watching Smokey and the Bandit when he was inspired to write this song about a cross-dressing truck driver. The combination of trucker lingo and descriptions of the outfit being worn make this one of Al's best original songs ever.
"Ode to a Superhero" -- A parody of Billy Joel's "Piano Man"
OK, I am one of the people who thought Spider-Man was a terrible movie. But Al's five-minute recap of the entire movie sung to the tune of the classic Billy Joel song is fantastic. It's the entire story without the horrible acting of Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst.
"Theme to Rocky XIII" -- parody of Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger"
Wow, there were almost enough Rocky sequels to make this accurate.
"Happy Birthday" -- A "Weird Al" original
Only Al could make nucelar annihilation and the destruction of the planet hilarious.
"It's All About the Pentiums" -- A parody of Notorious B.I.G.'s "It's All About the Benjamins"
This is one of Al's most under-appreciated songs and I can't figure out why. With lines such as "You're just about as useless as JPEG's to Helen Keller!" and "If I ever meet you I'll Ctl-Alt-Delete you!", this is one of Al's most hilarious songs.
"Headline News" -- A parody of Crash Test Dummies "Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm"
A Weird Al roast of the ridiculous news stories which captivated America in the early 1990s. The verse about JohnWayne Bobbitt is over-the-top and funny enough to make your tummy hurt from laughter.
"One More Minute" -- A "Weird Al" original
This break-up song from Al discusses all the horrible and disgusting things he'd rather do than spend another solitary minute with the former love of his life. It's a classic.
"Weird Al" has been performing for nearly 30 years and still remains at the top of his game. His comic genius will never be matched. Even with a few missteps, (like most of the Alapalooza album) he has continued to entertain us again and again. Thanks Al, and keep the laughs coming!
"A Complicated Song" -- A parody of Avril Lavigne's "Complicated"
When I think of jokes about constipation, incest and accidental beheadings, I'm expecting a stand-up routine from Larry the Cable Guy. However, Al pulls this song off without going overboard with the humor.
"Truck Drivin Song" -- A "Weird Al" original
I wonder if Al was watching Smokey and the Bandit when he was inspired to write this song about a cross-dressing truck driver. The combination of trucker lingo and descriptions of the outfit being worn make this one of Al's best original songs ever.
"Ode to a Superhero" -- A parody of Billy Joel's "Piano Man"
OK, I am one of the people who thought Spider-Man was a terrible movie. But Al's five-minute recap of the entire movie sung to the tune of the classic Billy Joel song is fantastic. It's the entire story without the horrible acting of Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst.
"Theme to Rocky XIII" -- parody of Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger"
Wow, there were almost enough Rocky sequels to make this accurate.
"Happy Birthday" -- A "Weird Al" original
Only Al could make nucelar annihilation and the destruction of the planet hilarious.
"It's All About the Pentiums" -- A parody of Notorious B.I.G.'s "It's All About the Benjamins"
This is one of Al's most under-appreciated songs and I can't figure out why. With lines such as "You're just about as useless as JPEG's to Helen Keller!" and "If I ever meet you I'll Ctl-Alt-Delete you!", this is one of Al's most hilarious songs.
"Headline News" -- A parody of Crash Test Dummies "Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm"
A Weird Al roast of the ridiculous news stories which captivated America in the early 1990s. The verse about JohnWayne Bobbitt is over-the-top and funny enough to make your tummy hurt from laughter.
"One More Minute" -- A "Weird Al" original
This break-up song from Al discusses all the horrible and disgusting things he'd rather do than spend another solitary minute with the former love of his life. It's a classic.
"Weird Al" has been performing for nearly 30 years and still remains at the top of his game. His comic genius will never be matched. Even with a few missteps, (like most of the Alapalooza album) he has continued to entertain us again and again. Thanks Al, and keep the laughs coming!
Friday, October 21, 2011
The first of many...
This will be the first of many posts with an abundance of random thoughts.
There is little better on a cold, rainy day than homemade chicken noodle soup.
Finding a Pittsburgh Steelers Chad Brown jersey at the thrift store for $2.00 is a wonderful thing!
The Seattle Seahawks have ZERO viable options at quarterback.
What is wrong with the 50/50 split of basketball related revenue offered by the owners to the players? Turning down that offer makes the players look greedy. And with the current political climate, that's not a good thing.
Dear Pittsburgh Pirates, sign Derrek Lee.
This year's offering of horror movies is weak. There is nothing worth paying $8 to go see.
Happiness is cuddled in a blanket with a sleeping puppy.
J. Edgar will be the big Oscar movie.
In most (but certainly not all) cases, the Tea Party protesters are a better class of people than the Occupy crowd. Despite the leftist media's attempt to discredit them, you do not see examples of Tea Partiers damaging property, leaving litter everywhere or requiring a police presence.
America's two most annoying "celebrities" are Snooki and Rachel from Big Brother.
I hope alt-metal band The Pretty Reckless one day becomes a headliner.
There is never a bad time for coffee.
See you all next time.
There is little better on a cold, rainy day than homemade chicken noodle soup.
Finding a Pittsburgh Steelers Chad Brown jersey at the thrift store for $2.00 is a wonderful thing!
The Seattle Seahawks have ZERO viable options at quarterback.
What is wrong with the 50/50 split of basketball related revenue offered by the owners to the players? Turning down that offer makes the players look greedy. And with the current political climate, that's not a good thing.
Dear Pittsburgh Pirates, sign Derrek Lee.
This year's offering of horror movies is weak. There is nothing worth paying $8 to go see.
Happiness is cuddled in a blanket with a sleeping puppy.
J. Edgar will be the big Oscar movie.
In most (but certainly not all) cases, the Tea Party protesters are a better class of people than the Occupy crowd. Despite the leftist media's attempt to discredit them, you do not see examples of Tea Partiers damaging property, leaving litter everywhere or requiring a police presence.
America's two most annoying "celebrities" are Snooki and Rachel from Big Brother.
I hope alt-metal band The Pretty Reckless one day becomes a headliner.
There is never a bad time for coffee.
See you all next time.
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